Dissies and Happies

Welcome to the announcement of two new football awards. The Dissie (short for disappointing) is awarded to the team and game that most clearly fall short of expectation, hype, or promise. The Happie is awarded for any exceptionally hapless performance. The jury (a secret cabal) can make as many – or few – awards in either of the categories. Deliberations are secret and decisions are final. The awards will be made whenever the awards jury feels like it. Here are this week’s winners:

The Dissie

South Carolina – LSU This game was supposed to be better than this, wasn’t it? Or did I just underestimate LSU? It started well enough. I got a text from my son in Columbia, “Go Cocks,” when South Carolina scored first. “Game on,” I thought. Then the Tigers scored. And scored. And scored again. And scored one more time, making it 28-7 at three quarters. The Gamecocks put up a touchdown in garbage time. Thoroughly disappointing for the featured afternoon game, the winner of our Dissie in the game category.

Penn State Joe Pa said last year this would be “the year.” So Penn State won three, including one at Notre Dame, and rolled into Michigan with the nation’s number ten rank. In a putrid, poorly played game, Michigan made less mistakes and hung one on the Nittany Lions. Maybe next year, Joe? Penn State wins our team Dissie

The Happie

Notre Dame The Irish dropped a game at home to Michigan State. That makes the leprechaun zero and four for the first time in history. This was their best showing in four games, but they get a Happie – and will keep getting it – on the strength of continuing lousy performance.

Nebraska The Cornhuskers get a Happie even though they won – a squeaker over powerhouse Ball State – yes, that’s Ball State – in Lincoln. After getting flattened by USC last week, they stink up their own joint 41-40 over a school known as the alma mater of David Letterman – and little else.

My very own Golden Rodents get a special Happie for fielding most hapless defense in the nation for the fourth straight week.

Florida made themselves a strong contender for either of our awards by almost booting their season at Mississippi.

In the Worthwhile Watching Department (WWD) this week was Georgia-Alabama, the Bulldawgs taking a well-played overtime game in Tuscaloosa with as pretty a touchdown throw and catch as you ever want to see.