Helio, and Stuff that's Fifty

Helio. That’s El-e-o, not Hell-e-o, or Heel-e-o. It is cool-e-o. So here I am an old goat who said he’d watch contests, sports, anything, but competitive dancing, “that’s ridiculous.” That’s what I said. Exactly what I said, for at least the past two seasons. We didn’t bother watching the first night, with the women celebrities dancing, because, well, I just wanted to see Helio Castroneves. But geez, there I was cheering and clapping for competitive dancing, for cripes sakes. (Photo abc television)

Rationalizing? Well if Helio thinks it’s cool – and he obviously does, then why shouldn’t I? Mark Cuban’s hanging it all out there. The Mark Cuban, who’s got billions (a “b”), owns the Mavericks, and is NBA Commissioner David Stern’s number one chronic pain in the butt. Which is ironic since Cuban started practicing for this just seven weeks after a big time major butt pain – hip replacement surgery. (There ya go, Jim.)

Marie Osmond is dancing. Marie Osmond is almost fifty. How did all those young babes get so old? I googled “50 year old stars,” and similar phrases. I got Victoria Principal. No. Can’t be. I missed a couple of fiftieths last year – Play Doh, artificial intelligence, the federal interstate highway system. I had no idea 2006 was such a big year. Fluoridation is fifty years old – found an article calling it a fifty-year-old blunder. I can remember it was a hot topic when I was a kid. Regardless of that article, it’s probably the one thing that’s not poisoning us. Here’s something I found, 50 year old woman decides to pursue a career in the porn industry. At some earlier age, I would have stopped right there, but…

Fifty isn’t what it used to be, though. Want proof? Google Amparo Grisales.

So, where was I? Being fifty? No, Helio. He won’t likely be at Petit Le Mans, Roger Penske is listing other drivers. Too bad. We’d like to say. “Good job.”