The Peter Principle

We were sitting in section two-oh-something the last time the Illini showed up for a Gopher homecoming game, in 2004, when the Rodents sent Chief Illiniwek packing 55-0. That was in the midst of a string of seven straight homecoming wins. Game-after-home game, we sat in that section, with people we got to know, at least casually. We were the ones who saw the glass half full.

“Fire the coach, fire the coach,” they said, game after game. That was Glen Mason. We weren’t big Mason fans – the Rodents were mediocre, delivering just a few more wins than losses, sometimes upsetting Penn State, Michigan, even Ohio State once. There was a minor bowl nearly every year, and about as many bowl wins as losses. Minor bowls match mediocre teams.
But my retort was simple, “Fine, replace him. Now, who is it that you’re going to hire?” Until last December in Tempe, Arizona. The 44-40 overtime loss to Texas Tech wasn’t the first inexplicable collapse by a Mason-coached Gopher team, just the most humiliating. I’d finally had it, so when the firing came, I was all for it. I’d forgotten my mantra. Worse, it seems the Rodent’s Athletic Director had never even considered it.

So now we’ve got Brewster. Brewski. Punky. A loser. Dismantled by the Chief in the Metrodome. They couldn’t see this coming? Certainly, Punky’s coaching record... What’s that you say? There is no coaching record? Surely...

Yes, incredulously, the head Rodent hired someone who had been head coach at Central Catholic High School in Lafayette, Indiana, for two years in the 80’s and nowhere else, at any other time, at any other level. He hadn’t even been a coordinator, offense or defense. He talked a good game, though. If this wasn’t so sad, it would be laughable.

The Rodents play bad defense, bad offense, they suck on the kicking and receiving teams. They drop passes, miss tackles, jump offside, fumble, throw interceptions, leave too many players on the field, hold...well, they just do all that stuff that loses football games.

Today, homecoming, third quarter, behind 37-10, record 1-8, 4th and inches. Brewski kicks. Punky is clearly frightened. He knows he’s in over his head. Early in the fourth, Illinois goes for it on fourth and inches. They make the first down. A play later they make it 44-10. A garbage time TD and it ends 44-17. Has no one at the University of Minnesota heard of the Peter Principle? It’s real, and it lives in your football program.

Undisciplined. Clueless. Hapless. It’s not going to get any better, either. Brewster should be paying his dues running a middle school team somewhere, not coaching a Big Ten football team.

The Ducks (football’s most horrendous uniforms) dropped Arizona State from the thin ranks of major college unbeatens. Alabama fumbled away an upset of LSU. The Gators took the week off (Ok, they beat Vanderbilt, same thing). Nebraska was embarrassed again, by Kansas 76-39. The Jayhawks remained unbeaten, and should move up in the polls. (If Nebraska was 8-0, would it be 8th?) Is there a worse defense in the country than the Cornhuskers? A worse team name?

And then there were two (unless you count Hawaii, which I don’t). The Seminoles knocked No. 2 Boston College from that lofty perch, leaving only Ohio State and Kansas with unblemished records. Ohio State beat Wisconsin to put a stranglehold on the top ranking.

The Buffs had a little run – actually made it back from hapless to mediocre – but today Missouri brought them back to reality 55-10. Georgia hung on to beat Troy.

South Florida’s dropped its third in a row. The air up there in the top five was a bit rarified for the geography-challenged team. Tampa is south Florida?

There it is, another week on the gridiron. There have been better.